did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
