I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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