btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
