Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
