you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
If its not for food we ain't going out.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
