I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
