cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
