I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
