I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
ttyl tear gas
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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