i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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