she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
