Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
