Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
