i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
