no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
