I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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