Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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