you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
