What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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