I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
All the doctor said was why
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
