I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
