I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
