I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
