hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
