Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
