dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
