I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
