I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
