Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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