So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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