So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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