Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
