Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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