I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
