I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
