It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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