is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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