If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
