I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
