you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
