Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
