I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
