DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
