she looked like the before picture.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
