I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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