So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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