...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
