Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
