I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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