My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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