At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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