I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
