I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
i think we sleep fucked last night...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
