Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
