the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
