i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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