of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
