I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
